Richard, James’ Father continued these heinous acts well into James’ early teens and at this point everything in James’ life has suffered. His  grades, his ability to socialize, even his relationship with his Mother. James felt alone. Worse perhaps than the actions of his Father however, was the ridiculing James received at school. James had become reclusive, nonverbal for the most part and his classmate saw him as weird. The laughing and teasing was relentless. Richard worked all week and drank all weekend which resulted in what James referred to as episodes. James was mad at the world, but Mondays, when the weekend was fresh in his head, was the worse.

Monday Mournings- 
The story line in this song is about Jame’s frustration with his own life. Nothing is going right and he has reached his breaking point. For the first time in his life he feels he needs to take action. He directs his anger at his classmates and the people that work and teach at his school, not his Father. He takes his Fathers gun to school and plans to stop the teasing for good. Luckily his plan gets diverted and the school day has passed.

The 3 verses in this song are thoughts that James is having as the day transpires. He’s taunting his classmates in his head.
“Cain’t live your life until your free of me”
“You see me for who you want to be”
“You should be afraid of me”

In the chorus James is questioning his decision.
“Praise is unseen”
“Thoughts are unclean”
“Shacking - I’m free”

"Monday Morning"

Monday morning feels real to me
Can't live your life until you're free of me
Wasting away wasting away inside of me
Monday mornings feel real

You stand and walk to me
You see me for who you want to be
Look away look away and you're free of me
Monday mornings feel real

Praise is unseen
Thoughts are unclean
Shaking
Im free

Praise is unseen
Thoughts are unclean
Shaking
Im free
You stand and walk to me
But you so be afraid of me
Run away run away and you're free of me
Monday mornings feel real

Praise is unseen
Thoughts are unclean
Breaking
Im free

Praise is unseen
Thoughts are unclean
Breaking
Im free
(solo)
(chorus)

Written by: Eric Helmstetter (c) 2022 - All Rights Reserved

After a childhood of sexual and verbal abuse James has a difficult time connecting with people. Even as an adult, people find him strange, but he wants to find friends. James wants to put his past behind him and live a normal life, but as hard as he try’s he’s unsuccessful, so he takes matters into his own hands.

Weak- 
The story line in this song is about Jame’s frustration with meeting woman. He comes to the realization that he needs to convince woman that he’s a good person and would make a great boyfriend or maybe even husband some day. All he needs to do is keep someone long enough to listen to him. Although he thinks this is his only hope, he also knows how wrong it is, but he’s too weak minded to stop.

The first verse describes the excitement James feels leading up to the abductions. He reminds himself not to feel bad for them and to forget about the ones that didn’t work out. He always thinks "this time will be a success", but he knows it will be a lot of work. Historically it hasn’t been easy and it takes days, sometimes weeks before he knows.
The second verse describes the inevitable. She’s afraid of him and he senses it. He’s mad at himself for having to do this but he knows this one isn’t going to work out either and he’s forced to discard her and continue the search for someone who might.

The chorus is a love poem about the things James feels are meaningful or memorable about their time together. These are things he hoped she would have seen in him so she'd realize she could love him.

"Weak"

I can feel the sane come
I can hear my brain cum
I can’t smell the rain in the distance

I can't feel any shame
I can't think of their names
I can drink without resistance

I won’t wait the time it takes to fine you
Long days, dark nights, no strength no fight
It's you. It can only be you, that I choose

Flowers that grow in the snow is your memory
Like things you'll see tattooed on me
I don't think you know that you love me
I won't let you go. Cause I'm weak

My mind races unclear
My eyes glow in your fear
Harder for me to feel the diffrence

My blood curses my veins
No blood stays on these hands
You'll feel the weight of my persistance

What will you have to say? Will you beg
My weakness, chose well, your heaven, your hell
My moment in the spot light. Is the end of your days

(chorus)

I’m so weak
I’m weak
 

Written by: Eric Helmstetter (c) 2022 - All Rights Reserved

The time frame between “Weak” and “End The Wait” isn’t great but a lot happens in the story. (Book Available Next Month) 

At this point James has overcome some deep rooted issues with love as we jump ahead in his life. James is a drinker, whiskey is his go-to which he buys from the liquor store near his house. Tori, the woman that works the register constantly flirts with him. While James was unsuccessfully convincing women to love him, the very thing he was searching for was right in front of his face.

Fast forward, James and Tori marry and have a daughter named April. James is resentful of this new life in their house and becomes belligerent and abusive toward Tori. James is again feeling unloved. The physical abuse becomes the norm and in
order to protect their daughter Tori decides to take action and just like Richard and James, her actions come with consequences.

End The Wait- 

This song is about drawing a very clear line in the sand. Tori has taken enough abuse and will not allow her daughter to grow up
in an unsafe environment like this.

In the first and second verses Tori is reflecting on her situation. She is convincing herself to fix the problem so that it never returns. Although the song is not about revenge, the lyrics in the bridge are very much about the anger she feels.

“He knows his fate
She’ll end the wait
He’ll know her pain
When she ends his wait”

The third and final verse describes the feeling after Tori puts an
end to her situation. She’s unsure about her actions but its too late.

The chorus is a constant reminder of the task she has in front of her. A reminder that he will never stop. She has no choice. This is the only way.

"End The Wait"

She can't make it home
She can't find no road
There’s no end in sight
She's afraid of the fight

He won't stop till it rains
Wash away the pain
She won't leave on this day
She'll stay till he pays

Winter has come
It's harder to run
She can hide where he's been
There's no way to forgive

Cause he won't stop till it rains
Wash away the pain
She won't leave on this day
She'll stay till he pays

He knows his fate
She'll end the wait
He'll know her pain
When she ends his wait

Don't know how to feel
But he knows it's real
No one to love
There's no one above

He won't stop till it rains
Wash away the pain
She won't leave on this day
She'll stay till he pays

Written by: Eric Helmstetter (c) 2022 - All Rights Reserved

With James out of the way and a newborn to care for Tori will have her work cut out for her. She never wanted this baby but that doesn’t change things. It’s here and she is going to do everything in her power to make sure it’s safe. She names the baby April (the month she put a stop to the abuse) to reminder herself of what an abusive prick her husband was. She sets out on a mission to raise April in a world with out men. She wants to make sure April understands how to get what she needs from men without keeping them in her life.

Unwanted-

Tori is now the one who’s actions will have consequences.
Her vow to rid her and her daughter’s lives of men will eventually backfire but for now she unknowingly moves forward with her plan.

In the first verse Tori is in disbelief of her situation and is questioning her inner strength. She wonders if there is enough left in her to care for a baby.
“How can I love you, there’s nothing left inside”

The second and third verses are lessons she has begun to teach.
Promises she will make to her daughter. Statements like… “You’ll never have to hide” and “They’ll never see you”

In the fourth verse Tori apologizes to April for bringing her into this life.

The chorus is not something Tori says out loud but is always echoing through her head. It’s harsh but it’s the way she feels.

“You’re Unwanted
Unwanted
My Unwanted Child”
 

"Unwanted"

This ray of light
Shines on this tired life
How can I love you
There’s nothing left inside

He’s taken my right
Just a sihouette in the night
But he’ll never hurt you
You’ll never have to hide

You’re Unwanted
Unwanted
My Unwanted…
Child

Stay to yourself
You can’t show you need help
They’ll never see you
But they’ll take all your wealth

(Chorus)
(Chorus)

This way of life
Keeps you safe in the night
Sorry I brought you
In to this fractured life

(Chorus)
(Chorus)

Written by: Eric Helmstetter (c) 2022 - All Rights Reserved

Marrying James was Tori’s biggest mistake up until now. She was bitter about men in general, and who could really blame her, but her new outlook would prove to be a disaster. She taught April that men where only good when you needed 2 things, getting work done around the house & and to buy you lavish gifts. Get what you need and discard them she would say. At this point in the story April was 13, attractive and didn’t really have many friends. She was almost always home when her mother paraded these men through the house and that would prove to be Tori’s biggest mistake. At age 13 April was raped.

The act changed the course of Tori’s life. She almost instantly stopped bringing men home. Her need for gifts dissipated and she began trying to fix things on her own, but the damage was done. April would never be the same. Their relationship was different now, and they barely ever spoke. The trauma left April with severe  anxiety and it wan’t until high school that she began to come out of her shell. She met a few new friends and even had a boyfriend, Noah. April masked her inner demons with a loud, somewhat crazy personality. She hid from reality by acting out in class or trying dangerous stunts to distract people from who she was inside. Noah suspected something was wrong because he noticed when April wasn’t the center of attention, she would be very depressed. At first he ignored it but as they spent more time together he felt concerned and wanted desperately to help her.

She- 
The song She is written from Noah’s prospective. It’s a song about
how difficult it is to be friends with or love someone with depression.

The verse are all descriptions of April from Noahs point of view.

“She thinks the world is unsafe” (from verse one)
“She never sees what she brings” (from verse two)
“She doesn’t live in time” (from verse three)

Each verse also references the night, the time when April is 
her true self.

“She only likes the night” (from verse one)
“She doesn’t sleep at night” (from verse two)
“She can’t ignore the night” (from verse three)

The pre chorus is Noah’s attempt to save her In the first  two pre choruses he is questioning whether he has the strength to be in this relationship. 

“If I can show her the sunshine”
“If I can take away the moonlight”
The third pre chorus changes slightly as he convinces himself
he can. “When I show her the sunshine”

The chorus does the same thing. The first two times we hear the chorus it states “She will never be free” and the third time it states “She will always be free”, again solidifying that Noah has the confidence to help April and change her life for the better.

"She"

She thinks the worlds unsafe
She gets lost along the way
She only likes the night
She doesn’t feel the light

If I can show her the sunshine
If I can’t take away the moonlight 

She she’ll never be free
She she can never be free
So where will she be

She worries what they think
She never sees what she brings
She doesn’t sleep at night
She has emotional plight

If I can show her the sunshine
If I can’t take away the moonlight 

(chorus) x2

She doesn't live in time 
She struggles with who’s gone
She can't ignore the night
She stays out of site

When I can show her the sunshine
When I can show her the sunshine

(chorus) 2x
She she’ll always be free
She’ll will always be free
She she’ll always be free
She’ll always be free

Written by: Eric Helmstetter (c) 2022 - All Rights Reserved

At this point in the story April and Noah are in their last year of high school and Noah will be going on to a four year college. April doesn’t have the same aspirations, nor does she have the financial support that he has. College isn’t in her future. She’s upset that Noah will be leaving for fear that the only good thing in her life will disappear.

April always had a dangerous side of her that didn’t care if she lived or died. Obviously the depression had a lot to do with that, but Noah helped her manage it by suggesting therapy which lead to medication, but today… she was different.

“Rain”

The song Rain is about the moments that immediately follow a tragedy. The confusion and concern that washes over you when you are involved in something terrible. In this case April was acting inappropriately in the car while Noah was driving them to dinner. An accident or a mistake that could have been avoided. Noah saw it unfolding in front of him but choose to ignore it and will now have to live with it the rest of his life. (Read the book for the details. Chapter 13 - coming soon)

The verses of Rain are a mix between Noah’s current and future thoughts. In the moment he is in disbelief, but knows he is just minutes away from answering all sorts of questions about things he hasn’t process fully yet. 

“Blame as far as I can see”
“You haven’t been where I’ve been”

The chorus is a statement of frustration. Noah is agitated with the first responders because he doesn’t know what April’s condition is. He can’t believe he let this happen.

“No, No, Why can’t you let me be”

"Rain"

Rain reminds me of you
Shame from the moment I knew
Rain it pours down on me
Blame as far as I can see

I can't live in the moment
It isn't clear to me
Don't say I should own it
you haven't been what I've been

No  No  it's not on me
No  No  I can’t believe
No  No  it's not on me
No  why can’t let me grieve

Rain you have to let it clean
Stains that paint our streets
Rain will start the day anew
Sane washes over you

Can you give me a minute
Some time to breath
I know that I'll feel it
You haven't seen where I've seen

No  No  it's not on me
No  No  I can't believe
No  No  it's not on me
No  why can’t let me be

Rain it pours down on me
Blame as far as I can see

No  No  it's not on me
No  No  let me be
No  No  it's not on me
No  please set me free

No  No  it's not on me
No  No  let me be
No  No  it's not on me
No  please set me free

Written by: Eric Helmstetter (c) 2022 - All Rights Reserved

My post description is too long. Visit our Facebook page for the description of Why Did You Leave. For now 
I’ll just say…..
Maybe… Noah dodged a bullet. 

“Why Did You Leave”
This song takes place at April’s funeral. It is written as part of a story, but the content is real in so many people’s lives. Depression had a lot to do with April’s behavior (Read the book, coming soon) and while it wasn’t the direct cause of the accident that ended her life, it was an underlining factor for sure. Loosing someone always comes with unanswered questions. Maybe more so when the person that dies is considered to be too young.

The first verse is a collection of Noah’s thoughts as he reflects on how they first met at a party and how he remembers dismissing her behavior that day. The verse ends with that thought “Why did I leave you there” as if he could have saved her had he fully stepped in to her life sooner.

The second verse is a conversation between Noah and April’s Mother who Noah was meeting for the first time. Noah is narrating his current situation in his head as if he’s talking to April. He tells April that he hugged her mother and that she loved her very much. She was deeply  distraught and wanted to know, “How could she leave you there” This ends the second verse

In the third verse Noah is reflecting on things that April has said in their time together. She talked about the rape and how she might have felt like she belonged if that didn’t happen to her. The verse ends with “How could she stay here”

In the fourth and final verse, Noah is having a conversation with himself again. This is not how he wanted to remember her and the verse ends with him asking

“Why did you leave us here”

In the chorus of the song Noah is asking April if she found what she was looking for in the afterlife. He wants to know if she’s happy, if she’s free and if she’s thinking of him.

"Why did you leave"

The first time I saw you was at a party in the fall
You were lying there on the floor unsure where you were
You said not to worry you couldn’t think anymore

Why did I leave you there?

Last time I saw you was at a, a funeral hall
You were lying there unsure where you were
When I hugged your mother she said she couldn’t think any more

And how could she leave you there?

Did you find what you were looking for
In the after life are you still torn
Did you think this would set you free
Did you even think of me

(musical intolude)
(2 heartbeats)

You always told me that you, you felt so alone
Who would really care when they heard you were gone
You said if you weren’t rape that you, you might belong

But how could you stay here?

(chorus)
(bridge)

Now when I think of you I, I feel so mad
It’s not how I want to remember the times we had
Why didn’t you get the help you needed so bad

Why did you leave us here?

(chorus)

Written by: Eric Helmstetter (c) 2022 - All Rights Reserved